I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I still have a little drunk in my system
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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