I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize