bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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