Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
