Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
