I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
