fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
