Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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