I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
