matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
