Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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