your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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