Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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