You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking