you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
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After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
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Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We need a shit load of segways right now
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.