Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?