So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.