I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
