I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
