Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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