yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
