I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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