Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Mom said you looked used
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I need water and some morals
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