He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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