Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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