Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
