i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
