k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
