I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
