'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
