I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
