I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
