I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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