Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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