Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
