omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
