dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the day after is always just damage control
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
