Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
