she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
