I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
