hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
