It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
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I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
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The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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