he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
