he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize