I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
