i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
