I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
