No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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