: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
