nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
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Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
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And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize