me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
