3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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