I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize