Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
