Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
