You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
