omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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