Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
