His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
