There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
