drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
