I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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